early morning kisses

Dex has taken to waking up at 6 am. Not my cup of tea. He was on a beautiful schedule of 8pm bedtime to 7-730am wake up time but now he's starting to transition down to one nap. Now it's bedtime of 7-8pm and I guess wake up time of 6am. That is tough.

So this morning I tried to get him to play with some toys in his crib for a bit but that didn't work so I brought him into bed with us even though I knew he wouldn't let me sleep. Usually he likes to poke you in the face and grab and your cheeks as he is very fascinated with the face and all its features. This morning though he just wanted to get a kiss or give Momma a kiss every 15-30 seconds He'd offer his lips if he wanted to give me a kiss otherwise he'd offer his cheek, or forehead or ear or chin if he wanted a kiss. I guess if I have to stay awake kisses are a nice prize right? My sweet, sweet boy.

Dexter- One year

My baby boy is a year old now. I had a very sentimental week thus far and I don't want to dwell on it as I am not usually such a tear up type of gal. It seems post baby my tear glands work much better than before. Not a post baby quality I enjoy.

Dex had his 1 year check up today. He was 24 lbs 8 oz which I guess is the 90th percentile. I was surprised he didn't weigh more. Seriously. A lot of you (most of you) have lifted the child and he does not FEEL like he weighs only 24.5 lbs. Especially if you consider how much the child eats which is comparable to a small adult. He was 3o inches long (75 percentile) and his head circumference was also in the 75 percentile. Over all a very healthy baby boy :) He took his shots like a champ, only crying while they were happening. Happy again when I picked him up. Very upset when I set him down again but who's counting.

As we were walking into our appointment and as we were leaving I was remembering that a year ago today we left the hospital and had our first day at home with Dexter. I was really terrified. And now look what I have. The most amazing thing I have ever created. One year ago.

drying up... literally

My sweet chunky little stinkbutt won't drink. He'll drink enough to get by, the morning being the best time but seriously, he won't drink. It's as if he is saying that he doesn't have enough time for the boob or for bottles. It's actually making me a little worried but his 9 month appt is just around the corner so I'll ask for some suggestions there.
The thing is, it's making me dry up. Yesterday I fed him in the morning right when he woke up and then pumped at 530. THAT'S IT! And I'm ok with the idea of not breastfeeding anymore. Technically my BF experience has been 20% BF and 80% pumping with working full time so that close bonding business only happens in the morning... AND I have about 2 months worth of milk in the freezer (I'm not kidding either) but (and this is going to sound strange) I just don't know how to be a mother without breastfeeding. I know it sounds ridiculous because Dex needs me for so much more then milk but my whole last 8 months have revolved around my boobs and nursing and pumping and yada yada yada. I'm not sure how to work this motherhood thing without it. I almost feel like I'm not as needed anymore. It makes me kind of sad.
My baby is growing up and I have to grow up with him. Do I wish that he would continue nursing more fully until he was a year? Yes. Did I plan on nursing for a year? Yes. Do I enjoy the fact that my kid doesn't like to drink because it's a waste of his time? No. Will I just have to deal with it? Yes. *Sigh... this mothering thing is an emotional roller coaster.

Bringing Sexy Back

Yesterday, as I was getting myself ready to go to a wedding reception I realized that I hadn't washed my hair in 2 1/2 days, hadn't shaved my legs in a week, I was wearing really unflattering comfy clothes, I was out of underwear so I was wearing my big huge "I'm 9 months pregnant" underwear that sags down to my knees and (Max's personal favorite), I hadn't shaved my armpits in 3 days.

Victoria's Secret called yesterday looking for their new angel. Right here baby, right here. On that front page with Adrina Lima and GISELLE (whom I really just don't like) is me, with my saggy pregnant underwear that all men are obviously attracted to. Bringing sexy back.

takeover

I knew that having a baby meant having a lot of baby stuff around and I was prepared for it. All the toys, the furniture, the laundry, etc. I was not prepared to give up our freezer to the little fella. Max and I have the right 1/4 of the fridge, Dexter has the rest :) Greedy little bugger, good thing he's not a bed hog.

deja blog

I'm remembering a blog I read a while ago about a married couple and bed times. At the time I thought it was pretty funny and what not but now I completely get it. She was saying how she decides it's time for bed and she gets up, cleans up the kitchen, makes the kids lunches, picks out her clothes for the next day, yada yada yada and her husband decided its time for bed, gets up and goes to bed. I am having that same moment. Max was really tired today after a weekend of only getting about 5 hours of sleep a night and got up and went to bed. I decide to get ready for bed after getting Dex to sleep and I go do the dishes, make up a new batch of rice cereal for Dex, get his food ready for tomorrow, go wash my face, do the checkbook, pump, take the dogs out, put the clothes in the dryer and finally soon will be able to walk up the stairs to go to bed. I definitely didn't think that reading that blog a while ago would reflect my life so closely now. I'm sure that's how it goes for most families though. Mom gets tired and goes to bed an hour later... Dad gets tired and gets up and goes to bed.

Daycare blues

I just had a very hard lunch. I started making calls for daycare availability. If the thought of having my Dexter in daycare made me want to vomit before, I am just crushed by the thought of it now. I so so so wish that I could just stay home and be with him. It is just not a possibility at this point.
I didn't realize that finding a spot for an infant would be more difficult than any other child but I did manage to find one lady with an opening near our house. I really hope we like her and that it works out. I got her number from a gal that used to work with me. She had her kids there for 4 years I think before she had to move them.
Luckily for us, Angel is willing to watch Dexter one day a week and I'm hoping I can figure something out for one more day so that he will only have to be there for 3 days a week. That definitely helps us out financially but also then I'll know Dex is with family.
I love my son so much, I just really want to find a comfortable fit for us all. I knew this would be really hard but I had no idea how hard. Poo.

FYI

I may look cute as pie and have the most kissable cheeks around but I'm warning you... this is the look I'm going to give you before I have an official meltdown. Consider yourself warned.

Vicious cycles

Vicious cycles suck.

I have to pump All. THE. TIME. Seriously. 5 times a day. I’m really sick of it. I have to pump so much because I don’t produce enough. I pump more to trick my body into thinking it needs more and I take Fenugreek to try and naturally increase my supply. I sit and pump and stress about the small amount of milk in those little bottles. In turn, the stress makes me produce less making me need to pump more.

See what I mean? Vicious cycles suck.

Alright, waa waa waa to me. Don’t worry, I just told myself to stop being such whiner and complainer. I’m very happy I have been able to feed my son with the best of the best for this long. Hopefully I can continue to do it. My son is worth every pumping minute.

Absent for one day...

Please excuse my boobs from having to pump or breast feed for one day. They are tired and want a break. They will be back in business after one day. Thanks!

-Jessie