early bird special

I was hoping that since this was the weekend and our alarms wouldn't wake Dexter up that I would be able to sleep in today. 630 maybe even 7!

5 am. Waaahaaaahahahaha.... dadadadadadad....Waaaaahahahahaha.
505am throw some toys in the crib
520am waaahahahahahahaha....dadadadada....mmmmmhmmmmdadaddwahhhhhhhh
530am bring Dexter into bed with us. give him the remote and the fan controller. lay back down.
531am hahahaha...dadadadada, mmmmhmmmmm (as he is yanking my hair)
535am we get out of bed.

I change his diap, give him his vitamins and we head downstairs and I put him on the boob.

602am fast asleep attached to the boob.

He must have wanted the early bird special. I would have preferred brunch.

drying up... literally

My sweet chunky little stinkbutt won't drink. He'll drink enough to get by, the morning being the best time but seriously, he won't drink. It's as if he is saying that he doesn't have enough time for the boob or for bottles. It's actually making me a little worried but his 9 month appt is just around the corner so I'll ask for some suggestions there.
The thing is, it's making me dry up. Yesterday I fed him in the morning right when he woke up and then pumped at 530. THAT'S IT! And I'm ok with the idea of not breastfeeding anymore. Technically my BF experience has been 20% BF and 80% pumping with working full time so that close bonding business only happens in the morning... AND I have about 2 months worth of milk in the freezer (I'm not kidding either) but (and this is going to sound strange) I just don't know how to be a mother without breastfeeding. I know it sounds ridiculous because Dex needs me for so much more then milk but my whole last 8 months have revolved around my boobs and nursing and pumping and yada yada yada. I'm not sure how to work this motherhood thing without it. I almost feel like I'm not as needed anymore. It makes me kind of sad.
My baby is growing up and I have to grow up with him. Do I wish that he would continue nursing more fully until he was a year? Yes. Did I plan on nursing for a year? Yes. Do I enjoy the fact that my kid doesn't like to drink because it's a waste of his time? No. Will I just have to deal with it? Yes. *Sigh... this mothering thing is an emotional roller coaster.

my brain runs a ridiculous path

My though patterns are so scattered... This is just went through my head in this order:

Pizza sounds so good. Maybe Max will want Papa Murpheys for dinner. Is Max dead? He's not answering any of my texts. I wonder how much 4 tires will run us. Should we get them in Oct or Nov? Man, I'm still going to be hungry after this. Maybe I should heat up more. Ooo, someone brought Twizzlers. I remember when we ate a bag of Twizzlers at the Monster Truck. Won't it be fun to bring Dexter to the Monster Trucks someday. He'll have to wear those ear protectors. I wonder if they sell them there or where we would buy them. What a fun thing for Max and him to do together. But I'd want to go too. I can totally see myself being one of those mothers who never wants her kids out of their sight. I can't be that mother. I love my boy so much. I wonder what he's doing. Max should make more of those Christmas Wreath cookies. But then again he shouldn't. I have to watch what I'm eating again. I wish Dex would drink more. Holy moses, I'm full.